Montezuma Magic
The asphalt is rushing underneath. A big crestless wave of concrete. Moving with a shocking sense of speed and vitality. It seems elaborate and alive and fresh with that early morning dew-on-the-grass kind of confidence.
Yet the route is so inherently dull. Laid out so straight-as-an-arrow that I find myself wondering where the pavement thinks it might actually be going?
For all the movement around me, all the cars and the trucks and the traffic, I don’t actually feel like I’m going anywhere at the moment…
At it’s core, I have to believe that the road knows it has better places to be than this treadmill of traffic… This stillborn conduit of everyday life…
But freeways are freeways…
They move people from Point A to Point B. They’re routes of progression. Routes of advancement. They go forward. Day in and day out… Yet in some ways they never really seem to advance…
Much like my life at the moment…
Tugging in the clutch lever ever so slightly, I knock the bike down the gear and the engine revs its awesomely torquey head off — The turn signals click, the traffic dives towards the right lane, the route of regularity exits… The road begins to get fun…
It’s 1 pm and there’s a loud, vibrant, noisy commotion whirling around me.
Ahhhhh, this feels good…
Days of work have lead me to this… To this singular movement and moment and belief…
And just a few miles later I’m filling up the gas tank, perusing a map, and wondering where in the hell I’m headed…
Just thirty minutes ago, I hit the garage door clicker and asked myself if I even felt like I riding — But today is too perfect, to beautiful, to crystal-clear to let go of…
Moments of potential magic only come around so often in this life….For last year I’m not really sure if I’ve really taken advantage of them… These days I find myself wondering how many days we get in this life and how many we actually embrace?
And then there’s a boom… A boom-shack-a-lacka… The engine wailing…
The uncluttered mass of an engine’s explosion shuttering its excess waste out the block and down through the exhaust, until there’s this unburned shuttered pulse riveting up my spine. A slight kickback. The bike wiggles… And then it’s ready to thrust again…
Like it never happened…
And it feels so damn good… And so damn strange… All of which is so out of character for what it seems my character has been as of late…
Over the past chunk of time, I find myself feeling this odd sense of excitement about the future — Because things have never seemed this good or looked this positive… On all fronts… I have so much to be thankful for and even though I’m not the most religious of folks, so much seems downright blessed right now…
Yet I can’t help finding fault in the greatness — The world is bouncing back from the edge of a near global abyss and in my darkest moments I find myself wondering just how ‘real’ that bounce might be… And what that means for me?
And then I’m also bouncing off the walls…
I feel like a fucking hamster…
Amazingly it was just six days ago when the latest show that I’ve worked on, ‘Man Made: Bugatti Super Car‘, premiered on the National Geographic Channel — And yet if I’m really, really honest with myself (and that means you too dear blog reader) that feels like a thousand miles ago on the journey of life…
As if it never computed. As if it never mattered. As if it never happened…
And I find myself wondering, how is it possible that the thing that kept you awake all those many nights in damn-near daydream stupor suddenly seems, well, darn I say meaningless? How did I move on so quickly?
Have I lost the ability to appreciate the moment?
Have I become too jaded?
Does anything matter anymore?
For all the excitement, for the all success, for the very culmination in the idea that the dream is actually alive and kicking — perhaps more so than ever before — It oddly feels as if it never even happened…
Is all of this an illusion? Is life?
At the moment, I’m left wondering when did it all begin to accelerate this quickly? When did I loose the ability to cherish the very moment I’ve worked so hard for?
I just don’t know…
That’s a different way of saying that I used to bemoan the fact that I didn’t know who I was — But then at some point I found myself — And it felt ‘right’, it felt ‘real’, I was who I wanted to be and it was all moving forward with a certain purpose and drive and vision — And yet now I’ve done, gone, and lost whatever magic that was…
I feel driven and split and confused and conflicted and so out of sorts that I think I need my own engine ‘tuned’…
Every day there are moments which feel familiar, moments which seem real and intrinsic to who I am, moments which give me joy… And yet there are also moments which feel so strange, so different, so out of place, so against the texture of me, that I’m left emotionally bouncing back and forth between who I think I am, who I want to be, who I think I have the ability to become…
What dreams are real and justified and which are jaded illusions, and which are so far-off in never-neverland that they’re just pipedreams…
And maybe most importantly, when did dreams become qualified?
What happened to excess belief and that gnawing, deep-down self-confidence where you know — just know in your gut — that while you don’t exactly know where you are headed, you know where you’ll end up?
Tonight, I’m left wondering if that’s a real attribute or just merely a product of age? Can you only experience that in your teens and twenties? Does the real-world always eventually catch up with you? Do credit cards and car payments start you down a path of no return?
Ultimately does the money matter more than the humanity or the product?
In today’s post-economic-apocalyptic world, how do we measure success?
These days are we all supposed to be Huxtables, and Keatons, and Tanners?
Is the drive the family? The ego? The business of business? The product?… Or is it still the dream?
Ten or twenty minutes later — Maybe an hour, maybe two — I’m flying through Ranchita, California… A speck of a town that’s a dot on a map in a guidebook that nobody buys…
And it is so fucking fantastic…
The road is open, to say the traffic is light is foolish — There isn’t any — And a heartbeat later I have the opportunity to grind one of the great roads in California…
CA S-22… Better know as Montezuma Valley Road…
If there is motorcycle-magic in this world, this is ground-zero…
A flick of the wrist, the pull of a clutch lever, going gear-up, then a gear-down, and more twisting of the wrist… And I’m there… I’m alive.. I’m in fantasyland… This doesn’t feel real and yet I know it is…
Perfect pavement bends in beautiful corners designed to accentuate the majesty of the dessert’s mountainous cliffs… And the road just twists… Back and forth and back and forth… It’s seasickness for asphalt… And the views… The Salton Sea never looked this good (ok, I’m not exactly sure it ever looked good, but maybe that’s a generational thing)… If you’re a gearhead this is paradise… There’s no two-ways about it… The snakey-snarky road surface flicks around with such relentless abandon that it’s hard to believe that there’s something better in this world… Most roads have one 180º corner, this road has dozens… And that’s if you just count the ‘big ones’…
As the heat of the engine builds and the outside temperature conversely drops, I pilot the bike into a succession of endless corners and smirk…
It’s the perfect golf-shot moment… The reason we come back ride after ride… Because every now and then, it can really be this good…
Ortega Release
Clouds are forming in the distance and my bones are aching for a smoke as I pull off the road. Twisting the key, the bike ceases to breath and for the first time all day I can hear the silence. Because as amazing as it sounds, I’m actually alone — Even though I’m standing on one of the busiest canyon roads in California.
As it turns out it’s been months since I last road the Ortega Highway. The combination of work and life and well, a sever desire to stay away from this particular stretch of asphalt has kept me away. That might sound harsh, but over the past two or three years each and every time I’ve ridden the Ortega I’ve managed to witness such a constant level of moto-chaos that it almost defeated the purpose of riding. It’s hard to relax and get away from it all when you’re constantly fighting it all and wondering when the next bit of crazy is about to enter your life.
Yet today it feels so damn different and I don’t know why.
The road is smooth, and slick, and fast and fluid. The canyon walls seem eager to open up and I’ve spent the last forty minutes smirking to myself. Because this is fun. This is why we ride. And the traffic is perfectly behaved. There’s excess speed in appropriate places but nobody is running three wide in a blind corner. Nobody is making me feel like death is a downshift away.
Looking out at the water, I scan the thousands of suburban homes and I find myself wondering why it is that roads continue to ebb and flow in our psyche? How is that they change and why do they?
Or is it me? Am I the one who’s changed?
I wonder… I truly wonder…
Canyon Cometh

Engines wail. Roads bend. Seasons change. But the dirt, the dirt in the middle of the asphalt, that never seems to go anywhere…
Extending the kickstand, I kill the engine and slide off the saddle. Peer out over the reasonably clear San Fernando Valley. And it slowly crosses my mind that this isn’t just a ride — It’s an anniversary.
Of my very first motorcycle accident.
And I chuckle to myself.
Not because I’m fearless. I’m not. Because I can’t believe its been only a year. And yet I can.
Amazing how fast time flies… And amazing how conflicted one can feel at the same time.
On one hand the low-side that happened that day remains remarkably vivid in my mind. I can see it. I can feel it. I remember the sensations, the dread that crossed me while standing above a downed bike. The sense of mourning when the tow-truck arrived. The relief when the adrenaline subsided and I felt alright.
But I was lucky and I know it.
Without a doubt both how I ride and why I ride changed that day. A touch of gravel redefined my life. As much as I might try to hide it, that collection of small pebbles altered the paradigm through with I view riding on the street. What didn’t seem like it could happen to me, suddenly did. And I think that was a good thing in the end.
Yet on the other hand, today I felt so totally in control of the bike, so able to do what I wished, that the thought of crashing seemed nebulous at best. Matter of fact I don’t even know if it crossed my mind while I was actually riding. I roared through the canyons with pep and perk and zippiness that felt fantastic and probably was illegal. There were no dark clouds hanging here, just bright skies and open roads ahead. The image of disaster was elusive and ineffectual and almost meaningless.
Until I stopped that is… What an odd round trip of a year…
Flashing back a couple of months, I remember perusing some leather jackets in a local cycle shop, when a sales gal popped in out of nowhere, saw my scuffed up jacket, and rather matter of factly said, “Looks like you were due”.
And maybe I was… Maybe that’s just the cost of doing business when you ride. I don’t know.
Canyon Love
The light is hard and damn near horizontal when the bike crests the canyon. What had been going up suddenly dives down. The machine whirls forward – oblivious to the change in pitch — with such momentum that there’s little time to breath.
Let alone sightsee.
In a fraction of a revolution, the bike leans forward. The suspension pushes rider and chassis on to the front wheel with such force that the handlebars instantaneously feel six inches closer to the ground. And with it my courage. But the engine booms away. Screaming nastily at the low-lying canyon walls. And just like that my wrists feel the effects of their terror.
Yet the canyon cries out.
It wants to be heard and it wants to be seen.
Because it’s empty and awesome and just so blatantly beautiful that it’s hard not to take in its grandeur — Even if it’s only momentary… Because moments like this go by way to fast, even when you’re going slowly.
But that’s life and all you can do is take it in as quickly as you can, process it the best you can, and hope to hold on to it…
Eyes dart from scene to scene as my mental shutter clicks shut. But almost before the images can be processed and saved, the road surface begins to glide its way sideways. Swooping to its right as it descends towards the masses. A return to the real world encased in one all mighty awe-inspiring vista… That goes on forever and ever and ever…
Quickly a lever comes in and the engine flips out.
Gears change. The engine howls. But the clutch plates press on. And the motor gets back at it… Thousands of revolutions at a time… Add a touch of counter-steering and it’s a remarkable recipe for emotional exuberance.
The bike planted so firmly in its line that it feels flawless. The tires gripping the asphalt with such conviction that it seems as if I can do no harm.
The result is a spirited sprint around one hundred and eighty degree of whiplashing greatness… A corner of corners… And a testament to civil engineering.
How and why roads like this exist has always fascinated me, but today it’s even more profound. Because on the other side of this marvelous adventure isn’t a ditch, but a NASA descent. This isn’t bin it and bust, it’s bin it and bungee. Only without the cord.
Hitting the apex, I whip back the throttle and the bike bursts as the harsh sunlight returns. Yet even though it’s hard to see, the engine roars as the combustion transforms into sheer, heart thumping excess and the exhaust notes endlessly echo on and on and on.
Catching the gears, the bike feels so very alive as it flashes down the asphalt. It feels so good. So powerful… The acceleration hitting, in big, gulping mouthfuls of muscle that act as if they’re tearing the road surface apart bit by bit. It hits so damn hard and yet its so damn easy to make happen. And so unlike the 4-valve Ducati engines. Nothing about this machine feels fluid; This is all ugly, nasty, mean torque-tweaked anger coming out to play. Yet the bike feeling so light and nimble, that it’s just inspiring…
This is one of those perfect days… Because the Monster is just a marvelous machine… And because suddenly I have total confidence in it… In a way that I’ve never had before…
Isn’t it amazing what a set of new brakes can do for you?
4 Valve Victory in the Canyons

I see the corner coming — the deep bend, the strange camber, the way the road rolls against itself as it tilts right and climbs north. Part of me cringes. Feels out of sorts, as if today isn’t really my day. But the bike doesn’t flinch. It never backs down. It never echos my personal conundrum.
Instead it just settles down.
Then the tires grip. And the chain spins. And before I know it the little bit of lean angle that remains disappears as the throttle rips backwards with vengeance…
Instantly valves open, the heart flutters, and the engine revs… Wildly revs…
And for all the worry in the world, now there is nothing to do but hang on…
Effortlessly, the bike fires — forward — Imposes its own will on the asphalt. Claws its ways up the hill as it rips big, heady chunks of asphalt out of its way. The road surface has no choice but to let go. To surrender. To give in.
The push is incredible. The drive out of the turns sublime. The self-created forward momentum astounding.
Beneath me a battalion of horsepower is on the attack and I can feel its every move. The bike hunkering down, the revs increasing, the exhaust bellowing and by the time I reach the top of the lonely canyon wall, it’s clear that the roadway has been forced into a unique form of submission.
It hasn’t just been defeated, it’s been conquered.
In world where nothing seems secure, and so much suddenly seems fluid, I find myself smirking at the thought that for this one moment in time, on this one particular day, a 4-Valve L-Twin engine seems to have the power to defeat anything and everything in its path. Forward momentum never felt this good.
A Clearing in The Mist
Just a quick snap from a quick ride up and down the Ortega in the rain… Not my favorite ride of the year, but better to be out on the bike than not…
Curving Flashbacks
Few quick picts from a sweet ride through the canyons with Trevor Navarra, a rather accomplished still photographer…
Smokeless Duc
The sky is bleeding clouds on a dark, dank day as the engine disengages. One quick kick of the kickstand — and it dies completely.
Then all that’s left is the silence. And the ritual.
Letting the clutch out, I lean the bike over, twist the key and slide off and out of the saddle. Seconds later, I’m un-velcroing the gloves, loosening the helmet and unzipping my jacket.
It’s a combination of connected movements that I’ve now done thousands of times, on a whole mess of different machinery, all over the country and the world, without thinking about and yet today, I’m conscious of each and every step.
The order and the process. The A that gets to the B that takes you to C. And so on.
It’s a well-worn practice – a part of the riding experience that happens each and every ride, even on trackdays, and in a strange way there’s almost a comfort to the rhythm. To the execution.
And yet today there is something missing.
Mentally, I start checking and re-checking that internal to-do list that every rider has when they climb off of their bike during a ride.
Taking a breath, I stare out to the East; through the weeds in the fields, above the rolling hills that almost shimmer in the light breeze, and up and over the not-so-distant mountains, which look decidedly muted under such a dark, black, virtueless sky.
The menacing color palette feels haunting. It looks evil and nasty and so damn turbulent.
Yet the shitty weather on the horizon that’s quickly approaching doesn’t even faze me… Instead, my mind seems stuck on what’s been forgotten.
Swinging my head around, I glance westward, expecting to see something brighter, but it’s just a lighter shade of gloomy.
Looking back at the bike, my hands start to fidget just a bit as a thought crosses my mind and I shutter.
This coming Monday will start my 11th week without a smoke.
Unlike previous attempts to quit, this time around has been surprisingly easy with the exception of a few crazed days.
Expect for right now.
In my book, few things in life pair as well as smokes and sportbikes. They are remarkably complimentary if not opposed activities — The long, slow introspective drag of a smoke perfectly counter-balancing the heart-pounding core-human enthusiasm you feel after a jaunt down a decidedly curvy road that you just conquered. For practically the last decade, the combination of these two elements has been the means by which I’ve experienced life.
But not anymore.
Now, I find myself standing next to the bike, looking out at the foul weather that’s coming my way and thinking, it’s time to get back on the road.
Introspection will have to wait. It’s time to ride.
Rumbles on Rails
The air is vivid and the clarity stark as I gaze out at a classic reproduction of the quintessential California expanse. Wilted brown hillsides that amble up and down in a series of earthquake-riddled waves that feel like they’ll go on forever. There are no homes. Few roads. And not a single Mini-Mart in sight.
Of course, I’ve ridden enough miles in my life to know that at some point this rollercoaster of a journey will come to its inevitable conclusion and fade away. Die a slow death that hardly anyone but a true rider or driver will notice.
The road surface will once again straight-out and be consumed by track homes and manicured lawns and big, airy shopping centers with plenty of parking. Shopping Centers, which oddly enough seem replicate from one corner to the next in an eerie form of reproduction, where only the names on the outside of the buildings seem to change.
For a second I find myself detesting that magnificent sensibility we call urban sprawl – But then it occurs to me that I use it everyday. I exist in it. I pay for it. I live in it. And I use it far more than I’ve gotten out to ride — So who am I to put it down?
The reality is that the roads that make riding fun are not practical anymore. They’re not the heavy-lifting, heavy-duty infrastructure backbone that helps society advance.
Rather curvy roads are post-modern asphalt artifacts left over from a time when life was simple and secluded.
Today it is not.
Today Small Town America is a stone throw away from the big city thanks to a plethora of communication. We talk more. We email more. We surf the ‘net more. We connect more.
Information is our new currency and like the good ‘ol dollar bill, it binds us in a continual vortex of the ‘now’ and the ‘current’.
But right now, none of that really matters.
As the asphalt undulates, a wildly rumbling Ducati L-Twin time-machine is hustling me up and over yet another crest in the journey of life.
And it’s fracking awesome.
I feel so outside of myself and my life, that I find myself quickly wondering why I don’t do this more?
Why don’t I take that thirty or forty minute ride over lunch? Why don’t I escape for an hour or two, here or there? Why mentally do I always fall on the safety sword and tell myself I’m either to tired, or to unfocused, or to busy to get a quick ride in?
Why do I force myself to live a life of riding that’s blocked out on the mental calendar in permanent marker in dedicated riding chunks and not simple, short adventures, even if they’re just for a coffee or two?
Of course, if I did toss the gear on and take shorter, more frequently escapes, would I respect them as much? Would I get the same release? Would I feel as relaxed afterwards?
I don’t know… But I wonder…
Can riding be both less dedicated and as fulfilling?
Pendulum of Confusion
The engine is howling with anger as it sucks down air and explodes. Blows Up and instills its will. Rev by Rev, the road surface bears the brunt of this rage. For an instant it’s easy to imagine bits of tarmac being ripped right out of their cohesive molecular bonds and spit backwards, towards the remnants of the traffic behind me.
Asphalt Hell it seems is alive and well…
At five-grand I’m already doing seventy-five or more on the freeway and that’s not even a quarter of the way up the tach – I shutter to think what would happen if I really lit it up… Though the phrase ‘prison bitch’ comes to mind…
Slowly, or at least I think slowly, my hand instinctively rolls back the throttle anyway. Soaring speed like this is too much fun to ignore – to cathartic to miss – regardless of the consequences.
The sound of the engine goes up a notch. Becomes more intense. More sinful. More vicious. More maddening. Even with ear-plugs.
Quickly, I short-shift into the next gear in a sub-consciously ridiculous attempt to at least keep the speed limit in sight and the next thing I know, not only is the rest of the everyday world far, far behind me, but so too is the freeway itself.
It’s gone.
Vanished.
Behind four legendary MV Agusta exhaust pipes, which right now are bellowing out a purely wicked tune.
A moment later I come up to the first traffic light on the Pacific Coast Highway and am forced to stop. Cease dreaming and start seeing. Reality is back, in a big, big way.
It sucks.
More cars, more people, more dreams, more of the real-world once again. Lots of people on Bluetooth headsets chit-chatting away. I feel bored. My eyes search. Seek out something to focus on. Then they arrive at the clock in the dash.
It’s now an hour ahead.
Think to myself, ‘I ought to change that’, before stumbling through a series of vague Italian electronic solutions that make programming an ordinary VCR seem simple.
Its moments like this that make me question Italian Traction Control.
Seconds later the clock rolls back as the traffic rolls forward — It’s time to go again.
Finally.
Looking down the road, the light is harsh. The shadows starker and living more horizontal than I remember them before…
But then it’s been quite awhile since I was regularly riding.
Quite awhile indeed.
Can’t tell if I’m guilty about that or just plain angry with myself for letting it happen.
To many days have come and gone this riding season without a ride taking place. I’d say it wasn’t intentional, that it was a series of coincidences that in the end added up to form one horrific non-riding riding season, but then I’m not exactly sure that’s true either. I’m not really sure what is true right now. At least when it comes to riding and, well, more importantly work.
It seems once again, I’m living on the extreme edges, and perhaps for the first time in my life I find myself wondering if that’s a good thing or not anymore.
Somehow the journey seems harder right now than I think it should be. Harder to live with. Harder to justify. Harder to believe in. Harder to verbalize in a blog.
And yet it’s amazingly good right now too – On a personal front, it’s good in ways that it has never been before – Very, very good… The kind of goodness that makes you think you might actually be lucky enough to have finally found that missing piece to your life.
It is as if the pendulum of confusion has swung one-hundred and eighty degrees to the other side; Where there was once comfort from the profession and yet personal-side confusion, now there’s security in the joy the other parts of life and perplexity in the my working-world dream.
Why does that happen? How does that happen? What the hell is going on here? Is it impossible for life to be 100% good – does the journey we take always need some amount of uncertainty? Some amount of confusion?
I don’t know, but I’m starting to think so…
A beat later, the F4 roars back to life as the road opens up and I smirk with a diluted sort of self-confidence. The kind of confidence that I fear has been missing 9 to 5. There are lots of rocketships on the market right now and many I quite admire, but few that elicit this sort of emotional response. Something about the MV F4 is more evocative, more alive, and more vivid than any other machine I’ve ever known. Even when life seems to begin and end on the edges.
With a nearly full tank, a sunny, mellow temp’ed day and an open road, all that’s left is to decide where I want to go…
Private Canyon
Sweat is beading up. Bits of perspiration grow unchecked. First there’s one. Then two. Now, three. Until the moment comes when the collection of water hits its critical mass and the weight exceeds the liquid’s suction power.
A second later, I feel the momentum of the bead as it rolls down my back and the cool-yet-warm-yet-idyllically perfect SoCal wind buffets the side of my helmet and exposed parts of my neck and I have to smile.
It’s November and at last I’m riding again.
How perfect.
Cresting the canyon, I wring back the throttle as the bike launches forward. The gauges go up, the gears spin faster, the exhaust audibly rises and the road bends – oh, boy, does it bend…
Going back and forth left and right and up and down, in equal measure and in all directions, before it suddenly shouts out straight ahead. Slowing rising, as if the road is just biding its time… Just sneaking a peek at what comes next. Just letting you catch your breath. Never fully giving itself away, never quite letting you know its intentions. And then there’s a kink.
A little jut that shoots you straight out under the trees. The shadows overwhelming your senses… It’s just darkness and a prayer.
You gulp for air and wonder what might lie on the road surface – but just then the sunlight comes back. Casting its watchful eye on your adventure once again… Right before the road rolls over itself, and you gasp… The jarring 180º up-hill assault brings the tarmac back on to itself and as you gaze at it, you too return to earth.
A second later, the bike dives-in. Leans left. In your mind, you think about traction and forces, and science and force, and all kinds of madness… And in a heartbeat it’s over…. Before I know it I’m hanging above the coast and the canyon, peering out at an endless expanse of nothingness. Clouds that cover all and yet offer no definition between sky or ground or even horizon. It’s just one big bland colored canvas that’s wrapped around everything that I can see.
Yet even though it seems colorless there’s vibrancy.
And lots of it.
Hitting the stop sign, I pause for a second and tell myself — no, remind myself — I should breath.
My head feels like its spinning so fast, I’m shocked… Can’t remember the last time I felt this way…
My heart races… And I smile…
I’m alone – completely alone – And in my very own private canyon.
*****
Minutes later, the road barks. The 1098S vibrates with an urgency I haven’t felt in quite awhile – the windscreen shakes wildly, the seat wiggles up and down, there’s a beat to the moment. A sense of booming and bamming…
The engine hurls itself forward with such vigor that I almost feel powerless to stop it by myself. There’s a third-person video-game quality to it all. The ride surrounding my outlook on life so fully and in such a dedicated manor that there’s seemingly little left to do. I feel lost. Out of control. Out of touch.
However I’m there… I’m in the moment…
With each new kink in the asphalt, the road openly communicates. The handlebars scream instructions as the Tires dip and dive and avoid conflict-riddled patches. I feel engaged. I feel in touch. I feel in control.
The engine rumbles and howls and screams… Rapidly increasing and decreasing the bellowing exhaust notes, each flick of the wrist echoing through-out the canyons and right off of the rocky walls.
Coming up to the top of Saddlepeak Road, I my eyes fixate on the width and breath of the San Fernando Valley. It’s clearer than the Coastline, but not by much. I can see birds fluttering, other traffic, hikers, bicyclists… Yet all I can hear is the soundtrack of my own private canyon. The Rattle and Hum of the Individual Experience as it was meant to be had… Solitude in Speed… Gød how I have missed this…
Organic Comfort
The road is rising. Lifting up. And reaching out.
Searching perhaps.
For where to go next.
As am I…
I think…
Hugging the side of the mountain, the road anxiously bounces, frenetically jumping left and then right and then back left again. Over and over and over again. Each kink flowing into the next, with such little regard for the rules of reality that at times it seems almost overwhelming.
Yet it never quite gets away.
Never makes that full and final break that ends today and starts tomorrow…
Instead coming out of each successive corner, the road surface jumps ahead just enough to show you how little control you have over it before it slows back down and nimbly allows you to find your groove once again.
That addictive groove. The one that all riders crave.
When you can see no evil nor hear no evil. When you and the bike symbiotically connect with such frightening ease that what seemed fast yesterday is now downright mellow in comparison.
A slow mellow.
As the road snaps right, I catch my first peak at the ocean ahead and smile. The rush of the ride is coming to an end. I can see it beneath the faint haze that’s hanging over the crystal blue water. Half of me thinks that this is a good thing. That there’s no way I can sustain this pace safely. That I’ve ridden today to far out of my comfort zone.
Yet the other side of my head just defiantly smirks. Because like everything else comfort zones are organic. They live, they breathe, they grow. Expanding with confidence or contracting with fear.
And today it’s wider and deeper than its been in ages.
Long Time to Look This Good
The bike is slipping into second gear as the sunshine flickers. Bright and dark rays shutter through the weeds. Spill onto the road. Laying out a pattern of texture that’s deep with shades of gray but very little black and white…
And then the torque starts to talk…
Big hits of power slam into the road. Punch the asphalt straight in the face as the bike gnarls, and snares, and grabs hold. Wringing the last bit of grip as the power envelops not only the moment, but my mind. And it’s evil and it’s vicious and it’s just down-right mean… After three or four hits I find myself thinking the poor road didn’t even do anything to deserve this sort of punishment… And yet it’s still getting knocked silly… Rip after rip…
Jumping forward, the bike blasts. Begins beating up the wind as well. Nothing it seems can stand in its way… And then you realize it’s time to buckle down. Fully focus. As in 100-percent pay-attention time… No room for wandering thoughts, idle memories or business decisions that lurk ahead… No, now there is no time for anything else but moto-satisfaction…
Breaking left, the road tries to sneak one past the machine… But it doesn’t are. Just flicks in. Dives for the centerline. Acts unfazed…. Subconsciously I lean inside… Slide off the mount and towards the ground… Think to myself it wasn’t that long ago I was fighting this situation… But that was months ago and even though it’s been awhile since I was on the bike, this somehow feels more secure than it has in quite awhile… Because the bike just holds its line… Hangs on in one extended moment of solidarity with the asphalt. As if suddenly they’re best friends again… And I think what a change a six-pack of months make…
They say that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ but historically, for me anyway, that’s not always been case when it comes to bikes. The longer I’m off them, the more reasons I seem to find for putting off the first ride back. Chores, bills, parties, work, sleep, all those other things from regular life that tend to get in the way…
And it’s not because I love the machines any less, but rather, really, because the first ride back after a long lay off always seems to suck… It almost never fails that I find myself fighting something… The machine, the transmission, the road, the grip, the rusty feelings…
In truth, it’s not my favorite emotional ride…
And yet today none of that is true… The machine is matching the revs of my mind and doing exactly what I want, when I want it and it just seems easy… Remarkably easy…
Pulling off at a vista spot, the old man, pulls off his helmet and looks at me and then the machine…
“You look like you again,” he says with a smile… And I think, ‘I feel like me again’…
“It’s seems like it’s been a long time since I felt this good on a bike,” I respond and he nods…
It’s been months since I was last on the bike, thanks as usual to work - the traveling, the catching up on sleep, the deadlines, it’s the perfect cauldron for poor riding really… But somehow, for some reason, not today… How that’s remotely possible I don’t know, but I dig it… And I can’t wait to ride out the rest of Summer… Ah… It’s nice to be back…
Retracing Your Roots A 1,100 Miles At A Time
It’s flat and foggy. A collection of roadways, rattled by the everyday, intersect one on top of another. There are holes and grooves and unannounced visitors tucked behind the wheel of their ordinary machines coming up fast in the right lane. Folks cross the street without a care in the world. They never even look. Semi’s stroll along mass arteries of societal movement and never check their blind spots. It’s chaotic and mundane and unaware – And no matter what you do, you feel like you’ve already been here before… That you do it everyday…
And then the light changes. Goes Green. And the stop becomes the start of something special…
The road darts up the valley wall. Corners approach. Bend after bend they begin to build. One twist becomes one lean, which becomes one seamless arch – Then it all becomes two. Then three. Then four. The one-dimensional route becoming the two-dimensional, which begets the multi-dimensional. And you feel the bike bite down. The suspension settles. The tires grab the asphalt. The throttle advances. The gears engage. The L-Twin hums as the comfortable ceases and the challenge beckons. Your fingers beginning to bend just a bit before you hear the pop of the clutch, and the mechanical advances into the emotional. One gear up at a time.
A second, a minute, a moment, it all comes together — without even thinking about it – and then it’s just you and the road and the ride. Alone.
The ability to see ahead diminishes as the light goes dark, and the darkness then quickly becomes light again. To the side, tree after tree flies past and waves goodbye just as it says hello. The canopy above revealing little of what lies ahead and even less of where you’ve just been. You squint. You try to look ahead. But you can’t make it out. There are just pooled spots of light sitting on fragments of curved kinks that only a few hours ago you were idly tracing with your finger on a worn-out map while sipping your first coffee of the day.
Somehow, somewhere, it just doesn’t seem possible to be here. Right now. And yet you are. You are this very moment. This one, little bit of time, tucked away on the side of mountain.
As the road keeps climbing upwards, under your helmet, you struggle for your bearings. Initially grasping for the last remnants of a remotely general direction for where you’re headed. But slowly, as each corner wears you down, the need to know where you are dissipates. It evaporates. It disappears. Completely. You are lost and yet you are not – You’re just running from the preplanned part of your everyday life. Instead running towards the unarranged adventure. The thing that lies ahead and beyond what you can see. And for the first time in ages it feels good to not be worrying about where you’re going, just that you’re getting there.
After all, that’s why they make the maps in the first place.
Hitting the first uncovered straight in multiple miles, you catch a glimpse of the sun that’s sitting overhead as it settles into a groove. And through the break in the tree line you hear the exhaust resonate throughout the canyon walls. Booming and echoing from right below your helmet to the very valley floor sitting beneath you.
And you see. You see and see and see.
Acres of the uninhabited. Natures very own solitude. The last vestige of life before mankind ever arrived here. It is beautiful and it’s awe-inspiring and so counter to the half-dozen or so concrete or stuccoed boxes that you move between in your regular daily regiment that you find yourself wondering where did all this come from? And more importantly, how did I get here?
Then it’s gone. A flash frame in a scene of forward progress.
Hundreds of trunks of bark race right next to you, as bits of light flash in-between, and you just carve. Carve corner after curve after corner. The rhythm of the roadway repeating itself in the revs of the engine. Up and down and up and down. You shift. The bike. Your weight. Your mindset. It’s engaged. It’s complicated. It’s sequential events unfolding in microseconds of thoughtless processes; You see the road come at you, You catalogue it, You think back on the collection of roads you’ve ridden in the past, You process the event at hand, You come up with a game plan, You enact it. It just happens — almost instantly.
And a hundred corners later, you climb off the bike and breath. Big breaths. Deep down to the bottoms of your lugs. Because you’ve just experienced something that doesn’t happen everyday – something that doesn’t even happen every month.
You’ve just experience the beauty of a multi-day ride.
It’s been three days since I returned home from a 1,100-plus-mile voyage with the old man, and while my body is physically beat, my moto-spirit has never been better.
I feel more at peace with riding than I’ve felt in countless months. More confident. More connected. More passionate. More alive with what it means to actually ride.
It is as if I have returned myself to me. In a way that perhaps only I can understand.
And oddly, in a way I have.
Because for the last week MotorMilt and I have retraced our very own footsteps, rushing up and down the California coastline, one curvy road at a time, in an eerily reminiscent journey to an adventure we took almost five years to the very day from when we left town. Five long arduous years that have been full of change and circumstance and the evolution of life. 1,825 days where the only constant has been that there are few constants if any in life. With the obvious exception being a mechanical, dare I say near maniacal, advancement of time.
Honestly I don’t know what took so long to do this.
While we’ve done road trips or multi-day rides over these past five years, none of those journeys were like this journey. Because none of those trips featured this many miles in just five days of back to back riding, this far up and out of what I know.
It’s a kind of riding that is so righteous and profound that I’m not sure that I can fully comprehend it’s meaning in totality. It is as if the mile-markers are Brillo pads for everything that ails us in life and as you pass each one by a little bit more of the regular pressures or concerns of daily life get scrubbed away.
Each corner or sequence or hidden short-cut that turns out to be the long-way around holds the power to re-initialize your own hard drive and each gas station fill-up doesn’t just put fuel in the tank, but also installs a little bit more fresh code for your own personal operating system. Somewhere on day two or three or four, you wake up and suddenly it’s as if you’re a brand new machine all over again, fresh from the factory floor.
I’ve sorely missed that feeling.
Instead of bemoaning its absence, what I should have done in retrospect was tossed my leg over a bike and just go for it. Just ride. Till the flame in the sunset went out. But I didn’t. I let the real world and the deadlines and pitfalls of so many other things get in the way. Which begs the question, why do we wait to do the things that give us the most pleasure? Why do with rationalize the destruction of the very things that let us be us?
Sitting here tonight, I can’t escape the thought that there is something marvelous and magical and damn right special about just hitting the road with minimal pre-planning, a couple of saddlebags filled with two-days worth of clothes – max — and nothing more than a general direction of where you’re headed. It’s illogical, it’s unorthodox, it’s counter-intuitive on just about every level to how I run the rest of my life and yet it’s trips like this that lay the very foundation of my soul. For they are so much more than the sum of their parts. They are journeys built on a collection of routes and roads and off-the-beaten path highways that transcend the love affair with a machine or a weekend jaunt, and instead enter a realm of serenity where you exist in a nine or ten hour window of obsessive-compulsive movement.
They offer the kind of release that’s impossible to achieve on a regular ride. Impossible to feel when you’re wondering where you put the garage door clicker or if you locked the front door. When you’re on the road for multiple days none of that matters. Your head lets go of the grocery lists and the car payments. It’s as if you exist in a vacuum, where it’s just you and the road and the freedom to come and go as you please. It’s an almost primal reason to advance.
However the thing that truly stands out about the past week – and what I’ll always remember about this particular trip – were the things that finally had the time to be said. The words and the phrases and the sentences that somehow seem to get lost in the madness of the everyday. While the ride was great, it’s the bits in-between and afterwards that encompass the outstanding. Whether it was standing on the edge of North America and peering into the great blue beyond or shuffling up to the bar late at night and ordering a well deserved single malt, those are the true memories I’ll hold. The true moments. The things that matter the most.
It is perhaps that the best part of a long adventure – the time you have person to person to communicate when you’re unwired, untethered and unable to receive Outlook notifications.
A couple of other quick thoughts on the journey;
Let’s Get Naked: A Ducati S2R 1000 Finds A Home
“Oh boy… Here we go again,” is in fact the first thought that comes to mind the minute I walk into Pro Italia and realize that, yes, I am in fact once again kicking tires…
Not idly mulling about mind you, but striding purposefully through the dealership with intent-to-kill and purchase kind of eyes… The kind of tire kicking that gets you trouble on the 1st, 15th or 30th of each month…
Should I be? Would I be? Can I be? Could I be? These days it’s just damn hard for me to answer those sorts of questions…
It seems that somewhere along the line my personal passion, career and lifestyle all organically merged into me and the result is this odd combination of confusion, excitement and down right blatant moto-lust…
Rolling through the showroom, I’m struck by the fact that it’s probably time to simply accept and acknowledge the fact that when it comes to things with combustion powered engines and two-wheels my normally logically sound life comes crashing down and grinds to a halt. In effect blows up, only to be rebuilt again with either two-valves or four.
What I think I know and what I know I should do, quickly become superseded by an irrational desire to do the foolish. And while I could probably create an elaborate fictional reality as a cover story and attempt to explain why the irrational is actually rational and therefore life always makes sense, well that’d just be a blatant lie that perpetuates some other version of me. What is probably best described as a holdover of my former self. Not that those stories didn’t roll through my head mind you, but rather because when all is said and done, it’s just easier to tell the truth, and more important be honest with yourself…
Simply put, I’ve come to the not so shocking conclusion that I am in fact a full fledged addict… Some folks pick pills or drugs or drinking as their poisons of choice… For me it’s motorcycles… Plain and simple… They are not just vehicles or modes of transportation, but rather magical creatures with destinies that are anything but predetermined… In my mind they are the ultimate unknowns. They take you places you simply can’t imagine until you’re actually there. They live, they breath, they act up, I believe that they are in fact alive. And they do it with passion. With pride. With purpose.
Rationally — oh, great there’s that word again — I suppose one could make the argument that motorcycles are a healthier lifestyle choice than any of the above mentioned addictions. But frankly I’m so sure about that anymore… I spend an exorbitant of time each day thinking about nothing but riding… Even when I can’t actually get out and do the ‘riding’… From the bits to the bolts to bikes to ride itself, it’s absolutely frightening the amount of time one can spend when they’re in love with an inanimate object. From the sport, to the skill-set, to the lifestyle and growing dream to see and ride everything that’s out there, I’m tired of fighting reality… My reality…
I used to fear it, to run from it, to nonchalantly put it down amongst friends to diffuse the accepted mainstream doctrine that bikes are bad, or evil, or deadly, or who knows what else, particularly with those who didn’t share the passion — with those who didn’t see it or understand it — But no more I say… It times to face up to what it is that makes me alive…
Maybe it’s a function of getting close to turning thirty-two this summer, I don’t know, but I feel a certain sense of urgency at work here… As if time is running through me like an hour-glass. I feel as if I’ve waited my entire life to get to this point, to enjoy the life I always wanted. I’ve spent countless hours counting down the days until I could make the ‘choices’ and bear the burdens of life and enjoy the benefits. And now it’s here. I can feel it. I can see it. I believe it. It’s almost as if I can touch it.
Yet I also feel this sense that there’s only so much of me left and it feels like I’ve got to stop fooling around here. It’s time to get serious, not about my career or my loved ones, or my Cable TV package, but rather it’s time to get serious about me. It’s time to stop wasting mental and emotional energy on the things in life that I don’t really care about.
Is that selfish? Is that conceded?
Probably.
But as they say, ‘you only live once’ and of all the things in life I fear the most, the idea of letting one of the best periods of life pass by as a passenger and not an active participant scares the living hell out of me. I’d rather end up broke and destitute but with a saddlebag full of experiences then rich, wealthy and devoid of meaning. Is that youthful ignorance coming to light? Could be. Maybe at forty with a kid in toe I’ll feel differently about it… But right now it not only seems age-appropriate but time-appropriate… It feels like what I should be doing not what I’m supposed to be doing.
So why a Monster? And an outdated one at that?
Well, several reasons really… For starters I’ve had this weird growing fascination with late 60’s and early 70’s vintage bikes lately. BSA’s, Triumph’s, Norton’s, CB750’s, Mach III’s… Probably a direct result of hanging around them during the Twist shoot… There’s something about how when they’re built-out they showcase a certain kind of purpose, and dare I say urgency…
So why not pick one of those up instead? Good question. Simple answer, while I think they look cool, I’ve got no desire to engage in drum brakes, early disc brakes, headshake or a myriad of other ‘early’ technological advances that seem utterly dated by today’s standards.
The Monster — and by Monster, I mean the original Monster penned by Miguel Galluzzi, not the current Streetfighter/Thing that’s badged Monster/Homologated “Am I Brutale clone or Street Triple knockoff or contemporary slice of moto-evolutionary pie” machine — is in its own way as classic of a machine as say a CB750, but relatively speaking modern, safe, sporty and well, sound… It evokes all the bits of the past that I find cool but in something I actually want and will ride.
Secondly, I love the fact that it’s a completely open canvas. The 999 streetbike turned trackbike experience has certainly opened my eyes to customization, in a way that it wasn’t before. The Monster is the perfect platform for that sort of transformation. People have been doing it for years and I’m greatly looking forward to trying a slice of that moto-pie. The possibilities are practically endless and parts are widely available from a variety of resources. Just hunting all the sources down is almost half the fun…
Third, the idea of picking up a true 2-valved air-cooled Ducati fascinates me because it’s a relatively simple engine that’s been around practically forever. In a perfect world it’s an ideal platform to wrench on myself - a skill I have yet to conquer completely but one I certainly want to experience. Ultimately will I? Have no idea. Time right now is a fluid, combustible medium that seems to move faster then I’d like it to, but just the idea that on an engine like this it’d be possible to give it a go intrigues me greatly. There’s something marvelous about its simplicity in my mind.
Finally, it’s a sporty ride just the way it comes from the factory - It’s not Superbike competent, but it’s street-bike competent, and post-crash I have a new found respect and, dare I say, point of view on what I’m looking for when I’m not out on the track. Something that moves well but doesn’t bring out the speed freak demons inside. Right now the idea of a mellower, more comfortable, sport machine sounds damn good… And so it begins… My own kind of Monster Madness…
Mellow Movements and Perspective
Tugging on the brake, deep in the corner, there’s a loud ‘thunk’. Then a blip. Or more appropriately a rev or two. And the bike bounces.
It stands up. Says I’m here. I’m free. I’m out to play. And then the pace picks up…
The machine basks in the glory — The sounds of an L-twin being let loose on curvy roads uninhabited by traffic …
Suddenly I feel a strange mixture of excitement and fear…
And I smile.
I think to myself, this is exactly what it’s supposed to feel like. This is in fact me…
And I smile again.
There are only so many moments one can allow to pass by - and today, of all days, it finally feels as if I’m meant to be in this bit of time, this space, this cross-section of the here and the now. Because I finally feel like I’m coming back around.
I’m returning to who I am.
It’s been a mere 56 days since I dump the 999. And they have not been easy days…
I think about what happened constantly. I analysis it. I reflect on it. I ask myself what I could have done to avoid it.
Perhaps that’s just human nature at play. Or perhaps I’m making a far bigger deal out of this than I should… I don’t know…
However to say that I’m over it is a total exaggeration. I’m not. And I’m not sure I should be. However, while the inevitable weights on my mind, there’s a certain glory, and pleasure, in being set free.
A certain sensibility in coming back around to the mindset that it’s possible to lose oneself in the uncontrollable. To lose oneself on the open road. To feel as if life is alive. That whatever organic nature there is to our being, it exists in the asphalt that gets us from the here to the there… That while none of us can ever really choose our time or place to go out, there’s something unique about feeling like you’re living in the chunk of time you’ve been granted…
I don’t mean to get all mystical here, but today I took the 1098S out and felt alive… Obstinately because the 10 needed to be run. It’s been in a track configuration for quite awhile now. But as we all know old gas in the tank is bad gas in the tank. And, more importantly it seemed like it was time… Time to take the beast out…
Of all the bikes that the old man and I share, the 1098 is undoubtedly the most twitchy. It’s the most real. The most powerful. The most alive. The one with the holier than thou brakes. The one that revs the loudest, bangs the best, and seems the most scary. It’s a machine that asks quite a bit from you — not so much physically, but rather mentally. It’s a machine that does specific tasks quite well — but to make that happen, you’ve got to on the top of your game… You’ve got to be living in the moment…
And yet today, it was perfect. It was sublime. And it was absolutely wonderful… It did everything I asked and more… Yet…
When waking up at 9am, I roll over and ask, am I awake enough to make this work? Am I where I need to be in order to take this bike out? Can I control it? Can I be what I need to be in order to make it work?
These are questions I never used to ask myself. Thoughts that I never fathomed.
I was the guy, who incorrectly thought, given enough time could learn to do just about anything on a bike. But mortality, and crashing, and reality, have a nasty way of proving their point….
I am not a god. I am not a pro racer. And I will never be.
The learning curve, while exponentially increasing over the years, quite possibly has hit its mark.
I say that not to sound defeatist, but rather because post-crash I find myself questioning the very nature of how I ride and where that riding takes place…
Up until now I’ve ridden with the sole intention of trying to getting better — to improve — each corner was challenging not because of its own virtue, but rather because of the virtue I imposed. At times I looked at a kink in the road and thought to myself, ‘this could be a knee down corner’ or ‘this is a bloody fast spot’… But post-crash it occurs to me that perhaps there is a point where the street no longer allows you to improve. Perhaps there’s a point where riding amongst everyday traffic effectively gets graded on a curve… A moment where the skill of riding and the enjoyment of riding settle their differences and diverge once and for all. Perhaps they take different paths and never look back. Never cross over again…
And tonight, I find myself wondering what it is that truly I love about riding?
Is it the speed? The adrenaline? The rush? The journey? The vistas? The thought process? The living in the moment? The ability to get lost and yet be somewhere? The imagine of the machine in its own environment? The reality that I’m controlling the uncontrollable? The excitement of the back and forth movement in a chicane? Or is it just being out there? Being alive? And being alone amongst the picturesque bits of nature?
I ask, because I’ve just spent the last four hours getting mentally lost on a road that up until now I would have told you was more or less boring, but today, post-crash, it seemed riveting. It bent and twisted and came back over itself in a way that felt entirely new. As if I it had been reborn — yet it wasn’t. I was. Instead of looking down on it, today I found myself enlightened. I looked through the visor and saw nothing but excitement and potential, and thought to myself, ‘was this here before?… Did I miss it?’.
I don’t quite understand how that’s possible… How one can look past something for so long and then wake up one morning and go ‘wow’…
It’s as if the road was the symbiotic twin of the awkward gal in high-school who blossoms later in life… The one you never saw coming… Until one day, she arrives and you wonder, why didn’t I see that before? How could I miss such potential?
Part of it, no doubt, is because I’ve tried to go back to basics, but beyond that, I find myself wondering what it is that I truly expect out of the street and what chances I’m really willing to take outside of a controlled racetrack…
What is safe? What is secure? What is acceptable? What is it that I truly love about riding on the open road? And, ultimately, what do I need to do to feel that sense of living? If 70% gets you to that feeling on the street, why go to 80% or 90%???
These are all questions that keep coming to mind… And ones, I didn’t really ask before…
And while I don’t exactly know the answers, what I do know is that it’s not the bike, nor the tires, or the road surface, but rather it’s my inability to trust myself that haunts my riding right now… The demon that haunts me isn’t based in logic, reality or the here and the now… Rather it’s the inability to let go of the past, to see through the moment of concern and the ability to forget that holds me back…
Head Games in the Canyons
It’s bright. Blindingly bright. So bright in fact that it feels like summer and not spring… Finally… Beneath me the F4 hums. It’s four high mounted organ pipes blasting out a unique overture that seems to scream for world domination — or at least make clear its desire for conquest… Each blip, each twist, each corner exit bring its soul to life… And makes me smile… As the engine continuously itself turns over, I can feel the machines’ unquenchable thirst, no strike that, need, for more… Speed… Lean… Roar… And it feels good… Really good…
But I know it wants more… That it needs more…
Only, I’m not sure I can take it.
The continuous effects from the post moto-crash hangover, which while slowly subsiding still ache… And there’s no Advil in sight. Yet as I shoot up the canyon’s hillside, there’s a determination that’s hanging in the air. A sense of reality that suddenly doesn’t seem quite so snake bitten. For the first time in awhile I feel like I can see the glory beginning to return. That I can feel ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is, coming back.
Banging into the next bend the bike feels so damn planted. So secure. That without even thinking about it, I find myself sliding a little bit further off the saddle, sticking out my knee just a touch more and tentatively leaning into the turn one more degree at a time… ‘This is what it’s supposed to be like,’ I find myself thinking…
And then I see the thin layer of dirt hovering over the asphalt. A shot of trepidation shoots right through me. Instantly I tense up. Battle the bike. Fight the very thing I love…
But the bike never fails. Just holds its line. Stays calm. Says, ‘don’t worry about it, I’ve got you’… And a deep breath later, I try to ease up…
And so it goes, each corner a fluid interaction between where I want to be and where I am… Yet today there were more steps forward than backwards… Even if they happened only one step at a time…
Back in the Saddle, Part 2
It’s been a great day and it’s been a strange day all at the same time.
While I’d like to say that I’m over the effects of my crash, the reality is that it continues to hang over my head like a weight. It haunts me. It scares me. It continues to affect my riding…
While it was great to get up to the canyons and out on the road once more, I continue to find myself lacking the very confidence that I so desperately want to feel.
Each turn, each corner, each bend of the bike feels harder than it should. Almost destined for failure. It’s a feeling that I so, so wish would go away. Yet it doesn’t. Instead it continually permeates my mind. Perhaps that’s the prudent part hard at work. Perhaps this experience will ultimately make me a safer, better street rider…
In that respect I certainly feel as if my ’street riding’ is considerably safer at the moment then it used to be. I’m leaning less, I’m charging slower, and all in all I’m risking less. Yet it’s hard to get over the fact that what once felt easy, suddenly seems so difficult.
Yet I keep telling myself logically that this is all part of a ‘healing’ process, after all having your first crash is a bit of a traumatic event — I’m not suggesting it’s the most traumatic event ever known to a rider, but it was certainly more traumatic for me then perhaps I realized when it happened.
Taking stock, as of tonight, I find myself feeling as if I need to go backwards several steps before I can continue forward, much like the guy who slows down to get faster on the track. Because it’s not the bike or the road conditions or the weather, but rather it’s the stuff inside my head that’s holding me back — it’s the lack of confidence, the lack of trust, the inability to believe that currently is challenging my sense of security on the machine.
Back In The Saddle
The suit feels stiff. The zipper determined not to budge. The protective pads feel awkward. The plastic part of a junior prom gone bad. Yet as I snap the last buckle on the boot and listen to the loud pop which suggests that the strap running across the top of my foot is now locked into place, I can’t help but wish that the rocket scientists who developed thermoplastic had something for a bruised ego. But they don’t, so instead I’m left to my own devices. Left to battle my own demons.
Walking into the garage, it’s hard to imagine that its been just six days since I laid the 999 down for the very first time.
One-hundred and forty-four hours of wildly juxtaposed emotions. On one hand, I continue to feel surprisingly ‘ok’ about the event and relatively at peace about the outcome (I’m ok, it wasn’t a bad crash, life goes on, etc.). Yet on the other hand, as badly as I want to ride this morning and ‘get back on the horse’ so-to-speak, there’s a side of me that feels surprisingly timid. As if last Saturday’s get off is the harbinger of something worse sitting just off the horizon. Something darker. Something scarier. Something more uncontrollable.
Mentally, I keep hearing the insurance broker’s last line on phone replaying over and over, “The first accident isn’t a big deal, but the second will be” and for the first time in my riding-life, I’m conscious of the next time this happens. Wondering when inevitability will strike again. It’s not quite paralyzing but it certainly has my attention. Because now it no longer feels like a potential possibility but rather a certainty. I just don’t know when or where.
Particularly because as I’ve replayed the event in my mind over the past six days, I keep finding myself overcome by the sheer instantaneous of it. It just happened. There was no wiggle, no warning, no moment of concern whether this was a possibility or not. One second I was perpendicular to the road and the next I was sliding parallel to it. In the flash of a heart beat. And try as I might, I can’t shake that idea that when it’s your time, it’s your time. Needless to say as I fire up the F4 and watch the old man pull up to the stop sign on the Beemer, I know that the accident is squarely stuck in my head and I’m struggling to temper it’s effects. Even though it wasn’t a bad ‘get off’, it happened and that has me a bit unnerved to say the least…
Thirty minutes later, we’re rolling down the Pacific Coast Highway as shards of light sparkle atop of the ocean waves and I find myself thankful that my first bit of time spent back on a bike is happening on a ride with the old man. There’s something comforting about his presence, even if in reality it doesn’t mean much in a practical sense. Certainly the fact that he’s rolling down the road just behind me won’t stop the inevitable from happening again, but it’s still nice to know that he’s there. No matter how much I grow up, there’s always a unique sense of security when he’s around. The remnants of childhood parental protection I suppose.
Yet as we pull up to the stoplight before Topanga Canyon and approach the sportier parts of the Malibu Mountains, I can feel a twinge of negative energy traveling down my spine. The fear of falling a second time seems so much more real right now. And I feel forced to wonder if this sentiment will ever, truly, go away.
But then the remarkable happens… The light turns green.
Quickly the F4 revs, the engine howls with a uniquely Italian four-cylinder sound and the traffic disapears. Seconds later I’m pushing the right side of the handlebar and admittedly feeling timid as I counter-steer towards a relatively spartan Topanga Canyon. But then the bike bends. Grips ground and never lets go, as if to say ‘I won’t hurt you on my watch’. The chassis plants itself with such conviction that it seems foolish not to trust it. Not to allow it to roam. The road surface tilts to the right and the bike follows its instincts. Then the asphalt rolls left and without even thinking about it, I’m leaning off to the inside of the corner as the machine maneuvers itself towards the apex. Not a knee down racetrack kind of lean angle mind you, but enough to realize that what was timid is now adventurous. The bike seeming so secure that I feel compelled to forget the fear…
A half dozen corners later life seems so much sweeter, the glory of riding the right bike on the right road pushing everything else to the back burner. Once again I find myself feeling what it is to be alive. To be free of thought and fear. To be focused on one thing and one thing only, the road.
In the end, while the hesitation to get back on the bike post-accident makes perfect sense to me, even though it wasn’t a ‘bad accident’, perhaps the greatest lesson from the last six days is that every so often humanity need a reality check — We need to feel things that are negative in order to remember what actually is positive about a given experience.
A Rent A Ducati Ride
How many times have you fantasized about riding a brand new Ducati in an area that lies far from home and that you normally would never get the chance to experience on two-wheels?
If you’re like me, it’s a fairly common occurrence. Especially in today’s internet age, where thanks to the rapid use and posting of digital images, it’s rather easy to spend hours at the computer captivated by great curvy roads around the country that seem untouchable. Yet the fantasy of riding these roads rarely turns into reality because let’s face it, sometimes it’s just impractical or perhaps even impossible to get your beloved sportbike to where you want to ride it. That’s especially true if you love riding full blown sportbikes - Case in point, I will probably never ride Deals Gap in Tennessee on my 1098 because the time required to get the bike there and back would far exceed the time I’d get to spend riding it there and logically when I look at it that way it seems utter foolish to even consider it… Yet if I could just fly in and pick up the keys for a bike I like and then hit the road, I’d be there in a heartbeat…
Reaching For The Keys
Equal parts of trepidation and excitement are crossing inside my head as I desperately try to distance myself from the workweek. Lethargically the mind sends the message. But the body does nothing with it. At first seconds go by, then what feels like minutes. It seems as if there are simply too many thoughts to overcome. Too many bullet points on the to-do list to still check off. Eventually the message goes through and I can hear the ‘whoosh’ sound whirl by as my thumb reaches over and presses down on the starter button. Suddenly life gets a whole lot better thanks to a mere rumble…
After yet another month of inactivity between rides, it’s finally time to break away once again…
Lately the mere suggestion of squeezing a ride in has been completely challenging in its own right. There has just been to much to do; to many emails, to much editing, to many phone calls, to many conversations about future conversations. Adjectives alone can’t even describe the constant voracity with which the grind has been grinding… And yet today something changed… (more…)
Awkward Dance Partners - The Ducati ST3 & MV Agusta F4 up The California Coast
At first there’s one. A second later comes another… And then all hell breaks loose, as a cascade of perspiration rolls forward with vengeance. It’s the first real tangible clue that you’re getting close; close to the middle of nowhere and close to California’s Central Valley in the middle of summer.
Coming out of yet another series of contiguous sweeping corners, you feel the slight ache in your wrist - because it’s already been a long day - but instead of falling victim to your inner demons you press on. Ignore the pain. There’s just too much bounty to be had here. The sirens of an empty road are far to captivating as they call out.
So you roll the throttle back. A minuet movement in a landscape of grandeur. Once again feel the bike pick itself up and hustle forward as it shoots up the short straightaway that connects this twist with that twist and a moment later you remember to exhale before getting right back on the brakes, settling the suspension back down and diving into yet another arched asphalt form of serenity.
It’s a fast paced dance done with a mountain top. You throttle up, you throttle down. You duck, you dive, you pick it back up. You brake. Perhaps you even continue breathing.
And as the pace quickens so to does the transformation. Not of riding but rather life.
What had been a scenic route splitting bundled patches of pine tree derivatives quickly evolves. In minutes, or maybe just heartbeats, you rip through another banked corner and crest a 5,160-foot summit of dreams.
On the other side lies a stark and desolate arena. The average visitor might think it far to remote and well past dull to bother with, yet for an actively engaged motorist it is an untroubled paradise full of unique forms of individual adventure and challenge.
Welcome to the Southern edge of California’s Central Valley.
The landscape is harsh and dry, built on brush and cattle, tumbleweeds and water prudent oak trees. A place far removed from the concrete jungle and yet fairly dependant on it for survival. To live or work here is to languish in an alternate version of society, more Steinbeck then Grisham, where the quality of the water pump in your pick-up truck is far more important then the latest magazine cover girl.
It is also a place that time has forgotten and yet still hit hard nonetheless. Where every hundred miles empty retail spaces battle big-box stores for supremacy and conflict runs deep, which somehow encapsulates both the best and the worst of the Golden State all in one place. Everywhere you look the hopes, the dreams, the challenges, the exploration, and even dire hopelessness are blatantly apparent trends.
Yet life still goes on. Moves forward. Boiling upwards, inch by inch, in a thousand degree melting pot of that exists on the fringe of civilization.
A day later I swing the other extreme, subtly freezing as I watch seagulls dance just a short fragment off the coastline and the last drip of coffee tries its best to push past the lingering memories of a long last night. A quick wick the throttle and a different beast fires forward as a bucket of aspirin takes hold. The engine’s suggestive notes find instant traction. On the road and in my mind. Each millimeter of piston movement brings out a louder, deeper, more hideous wailing. A sound so strong it forcibly removes the thumping headache and matter of factly tosses it down on the road. For all to see and hear and trample. It’s the kind of evocative auditory experience that only comes from a bullish inline four cylinder that’s cracking its raw fists on the skull of an open road… And absolutely laughing about it afterwards.
Just like that I’m awake — But better yet, I’m alive.
Thanks in large part to the combination and contradiction of two completely distinctive types of riding – One which elicits sheer passion while the other remotely suggests it. Together they bend the rules of life and their associated meanings; forcing the yellow lines that divide us to vanish as the cool damp early morning fog evaporates in a mere moment.
This is a radical departure from my usual trips up the California Coastline — because I’ve never cruised up the coast on a true thoroughbred before…
Logically I’ve always held the belief that inside every machine is the perfect tool for a particular job and it’s foolish to ask a sportbike to do a touring task. Conceptually the idea of taking a full-blown sportbike up the coast has always seemed rather suicidal at best. The reasons and rationales range from the physical toll they take on a rider all the way to the unforeseen mechanical hiccups that could, and often times do, occur with trackday weapons are used on public roads.
Yet the older I get the less inclined I am to allow logic to infiltrate an arena of passion. If for no other reason then everything else in the day-to-day of the real world is completely and one hundred perfectly logical. And somewhere deep inside I keeping trolling over one basic core thought – If not now, when?
A half hour later while shooting up CA-46, which is an inland oasis of an open road, the traffic is surprisingly light for an upcoming MotoGP weekend that will take place in Monterey. Brilliantly crisp vineyards fly by on both sides as we burn through California’s Central Coast wine country on two rather awkward dancing partners; the old man’s brand new MV Agusta F4 and my trusty Ducati ST3. Neither is the perfect 1,000-mile adventurer yet they might just be the most fun for a joint trip covering a collection of remarkably empty and remote curving roads.
Coming around the next kink in California’s landscape of tarmac armor, I flash backwards eleven days and think how ridiculous this all must seem. A little less then two weeks ago the old man and I hit the track where one might have thought that we would have gotten our fill of getting our rocks off on the fast paced sportbike ethos. Yet we didn’t. Instead a strange thing happened on the way home.
We decided to let go of logic and instead starting formulating a plan entirely designed by passion.
The F4 was just too enjoyable – and to be honest, probably too new - to leave in the garage… So we left Buttonwillow openly talking about ratcheting up the stakes on our coming California coastal adventure. Could it make it Monterey? Could we survive it if it did?
We had no idea.
But it was a gamble that seemed worth taking. So we did something that even now strikes me as somewhat flawed. We left a perfectly good and capable sport-tourer in the garage, the BMW K1200RS, and instead flew the coop with one full-blown sportbike and one seriously sporty sport-tourer.
Our plan; A multiday escapade over and through some of California’s finest routes, starting with Central Valley staples CA-33 and CA-58, followed by the more coastal CA-41, CA-46, and inland avenues of chance G14 and G17, and then finally the mother of all great California roads, CA-1, which is better known as the Pacific Coast Highway. And that was before we started all over and did it again in reverse.
It’s a journey that over the past few years I’ve had the pleasure to attempt several different times – The old man however hasn’t been as fortunate for a variety of reasons, most of which center around time or the lack thereof. But motorcycles are about more then just tracks and canyons; they’re also about escapism as well. So once we committed to attending the GP races at Laguna this year we decided it was time to take a different kind of journey together – a more mellow, free-flowing amble North, which traversed both dreamlike scenery as well as our collective past.
Entering Lockwood, we stop at the aptly named Lockwood Store for a BSB break (butt-smoke-bathroom) and snap a few pictures. It’s a slightly surreal experience. Because we’re in effect retracing our previous steps. Our first great California road trip adventure rolled right through here and it’s surprisingly odd to stand in exactly the same spot you did eight or nine years ago in a seemingly remote part of the world and realize that while nothing has changed here, everything else in life has.
And then there are the bikes…
Eight or nine years ago we rolled through here on two BMW R1100S sport-tourers. At the time they seemed like the epitome of the perfect riding companions. Looking at the ST3 and the F4 that seems like a long, long time ago.
“This is a very different trip,” MotorMilt says, while running his hand over the tank of the F4, “and we’ve come a long way since then”.
All I can do is acknowledge the sentiment with a smirk as he smiles and says, “These are just a hell of a lot more fun”…
Both bikes offer a more fluid system of travel then the Beemers did; yet when compared to each other they are radically different animals. The ST presents a unique blend of both speed and semi-comfort while pushing the sport side of the sport-touring equation to the forefront of the category’s inherent compromise between the two extremes.
The F4 on the other hand is completely uncompromising to say the least. It’s a full-blown racing bike that just happens to have mirrors and lights. Everything about it is harsh. Hard. And uncomfortable. The footpegs feel like they’re stacked against the exhaust, the seat is the antichrist of plush, and the only seating position that feels remotely comfortable is a completely tuck.
Yet what this bike lacks in creature comforts it more then makes up for in wicked acceleration, awesome exhaust notes and remarkable handling. The bike just feels completely planted. All the time. It’s a freakishly secure feeling that’s night and day different then any of the Ducati Superbikes I’ve ridden, including the 1098S. On the F4 it feels as if you’ve got a holy ghost lingering above and watching your every move as you attack each successive corner. The chassis feels so solid that seems damn near impossible to upset it unless you’ve done something completely idiotic.
Of course the irony of idiocy on this bike is that it’s only a throttle advance away.
Twist your right wrist and you thrust the machine forward so fast that even a GPS enable iPhone accelerometer has trouble keeping up. The bike just hauls. Flat out and with idiocy in tow.
Just in case the warp speed disappearance of the landscape surrounding you confuses your visual sensory perception, there’s also a series of auditory battlefield explosions as well. The four organ-like pipes in the back bellow out such a nasty, evil, downright scary wail that both big and little critters alike flee in fear.
Stacked next to the 1098S it’s a very different riding experience. Far less fluid and far more point and shoot. Where the ’10’ feels torquey, the F4 feels defiant. Making such a loud and demonic noise that it makes mothers across the country to cringe in terror. The 1098S lets you delicately dance into and out of apexes where as the F4 cracks heads like sledgehammer, never losing sight of the fact that it’s got somewhere else to be.
An hour later I am somewhere else, as I take a slow drag from the smoke and suck down my eighth vitamin enriched energy drink of the day. Glancing at the digital clock in the dash it’s hard to fathom that it’s not even noon yet — Already my sense of time and space has been lost, much like contemporary society’s awareness of the true roots of California.
Looking out at a collection of wide-open fields surrounded by rolling hills and mammoth mountains in the distance, the old man smirks, “It always amazes me how empty most of California is,” he says before matching my puff of smoke with his own, “I think we tend to forget about that sometimes”…
He’s right; the enduring legacy of California isn’t the marvelous technological advancements, the Disneyland theme parks or the beacon like draw of the Hollywood scene that continually draws thousands of young dreams each year, rather the permanent fixture of the State is what’s missing in a pristine undisturbed landscapes. There are no hands-free gizmos sprouting out of anyone’s ear nor the rushed sensibility to trade your gas guzzler in for a hybrid so you can sleep better at night, instead just an honest panorama that’s not all that far removed from our pre-technology existence.
California’s Central Valley isn’t just physically at the state’s core but emotionally as well. This is the land of classic California virtue. Where dreams drift in the soft summer breeze and potential is allowed to amble undisturbed until it’s ready to come to fruitarian. What exists here today is completely indicative of what used to exist everywhere and the more you peer over the landscape, the clearer it becomes that something tragically got lost in our society’s evolution from the past to the present.
I’m not completely sure what that exactly is but each time I step foot in this Valley there is a sense of peacefulness and comfort that you could spend a lifetime searching for in the big cities and never find. A sensibility of hard work and determination scratched on people’s faces that echo’s the founding of this great nation not the current sense of elite entitlement broadcast nightly on E!
Six days after setting out I’m flush with fear when entering LA County again. While I’m still physically on the bike, I’m no longer not actually riding it. Instead I’ve already made the mental leap towards re-entering the ‘real world’. Something I feel inherently loath to do right now, but I know I must. Because that’s the way it works when you grow up. When you have bills to pay and tasks to do.
As the traffic thickens, I feel my lower back start to tighten up. The muscles squeezing the nerves for all there net worth. It’s not a comfortable sensation by any means, but then the last leg of a thousand mile adventure almost always ends in some sort of ailment.
Yet today the physical toll that the trip has taken is the least of my worries.
Rather it’s the never-ending game of mental catch up that I’m frantically playing that’s drawing my attention as I try to deduce what I’ve now got to get done while still expressively coming to grips with where I’ve just been. What I’ve just seen. Who I might be.
It’s an inherently unstable moment to say the least and one that leaves me wondering why the ride home always feels both completely premature in its arrival and yet long over due at the same time?
But then I suppose all great rides ultimately are comprised of a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you never want to see them end and yet on the other hand there’s definitely a physical and mental ceiling that you hit. Especially when one of the bikes you’ve chosen for the particular task is the completely wrong tool for the job from a logical standpoint.
Of course common sense only gets you so far in this world and in the space of the past eleven days, from the trackday at Buttonwillow to this trip up the coast, the old man and I have gone from one extreme of the motorcycle persona to the other, battling and conquering the vast differences between logic and insanity.
Without a doubt my non-riding friends would say that taking a bike, any bike, to a track is an insane endeavor. Yet my guess is that they would completely understand the appeal of a good ol’fashion road trip – even if it is on a bike.
Yet as the road buckles down and the traffic comes to a halt, it occurs to me that these two divergent extremes of the motorcycle experience are exactly the opposite. The time we spent at Buttonwillow was all about the application of logic. Perfecting the art form of proficient riding. Taking two Italian motorcycles on a thousand mile journey up and down the coast on the other hand isn’t just an adventure – It’s also just plain nuts.
And it’s also a personal fantasy come to life.
For all the times I’ve ridden up and down the coastline, I never done it the way I’ve really wanted to – on a full blown sportbike that has a wicked engine, killer brakes and instinctive handling. Instead I’ve always bent to convention or at least logic and taken a sport-tourer of one kind or another. To finally make this sort of fantastical mental image come to life is something that’s worth any and all residual back pain and leaves me thinking that perhaps the axiom of the right tool for the right job is incorrect at its core. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes we need to choose the wrong tool for the right job in order to make dreams come true.
















































































































































































































































































































